These Words given by My Parent That Helped Us as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the demands of being a father.

But the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her main carer in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You are not in a good place. You must get assistance. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now better used to discussing the stress on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a wider inability to talk amongst men, who continue to internalise negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing time and again."

"It is not a sign of failure to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to request a respite - going on a couple of days abroad, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "bad decisions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a family member, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - sharing their experiences, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising you is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."